My Mother
My mother was a
strong person despite her faults and short-comings. Unfortunately I don't think
I figured this out until a few years after her death. Now I
can look back and remember the good times and bad ones with equal joy, even though I miss my Mother
terribly. She has been gone for all most fourteen years, but I know she and my father are having a
great time in Heaven together. They are probably laughing their butts off at the screw-ups I continue
to make as a mother. They know they worked hard when they had the chance to make me a good
person and to teach me the right way to live my life. Some of those values did stick, at least I try
very hard to pursue them.
My mom worked hard
and helped me to see the value of a good work ethic. She would teach me that every morning available to her in the days of my summer
break as we toiled out in our large family garden, pulling weeds and pruning plants. She taught me to
play hard, too. She loved board games, card games and pulling practical jokes on all of us. The
night she placed plastic spiders under my father's pillow is an especially vivid memory as he screamed loud
enough to wake the dead. He harbored a
huge terror of anything with eight legs.
I would look at
the things that she did not do and hold her accountable for those too often and
not at what she did do. Yes, she did not like to drive and would
find ways to wait for my Father to get home to take us places. Yes, she would succumb to her headaches and
stomachaches and lay in the bed when she felt sick. Why did this bother me? At that time, growing up in my home, I thought mothers were invincible. They had to be superwomen to conquer their daily
lives. I had this image in my head of the perfect mother and my mother did not fit the bill all the time.
Now I know
different. Now after becoming a Mother myself, I know that being a Mother is
one of the hardest jobs in the world. You anxiously wait for nine
months for this creature that is holding your lungs and bladder hostage to erupt out of your very body. And then
you have no manual or rules or guidelines to help you navigate the motherhood road. You and your
spouse are just supposed to love this tiny baby and figure it out amongst yourselves. The day my newborn
introduced me to projectile poop is the day I
all most threw in the motherhood towel and that was in the
first week.
One thing that my
mother did teach me was to take some time to have fun with your children. Play games with them, read to them, actually listen to the
words that come out of their mouths. In this day and time, mobile devices make it hard to unhook ourselves
from the world, even for a minute. Find the time and put the phone and iPad down and
actually play with your kids or set down and ask them about their day. It doesn't take rocket science
to be a good mother, just time and effort.
The day my mom
told me that she was going to be a mother again at the age of all most
forty-two, was to say the least a memorable one. My parents had tried
to have another child after me but had given up and sixteen years has passed since I was born and
twenty since my sister. My parents faced what could be a hard road ahead with a baby born to parents
at their advanced ages in that point in our history. These days many women have children in their
forties, sometimes their first, but in 1979, the world did not have the medical advancements they do today. My parents told me that
no matter what the challenges of this baby they would be having it. My mom went through endless tests
and the day came for the results and she faced it all with calm because she knew that she was making
the right choice for herself. My brother was born on a Monday in February and he was a healthy, strong baby
boy fortunately without any mental or physical issues. My mom taught me a valuable lesson that day
- how very strong she was and how very far she would go for one of her children.
My mom was always
there for me when I needed her and even though she left this world too soon, she left her mark on me. She didn't let me get away with too
much stupid stuff, and her and my fathers' voice were in my ear at those times when I was asking myself
if what I was about to do made a lot of sense. She was the
glue that held my family together and after she
died, we were never the same again. You can survive, but you always need your
mother.
What age does
provide (in a good way), is the ability to look back at your life. So don't
take one minute for granted and mother the hell out of your kids.
They are grown and on their own before you know it. As Mother's Day approaches, I'm sure that we all
are thinking about our moms and all they have done for us over the years. But if you are on the
younger side and have not had the joy of facing Motherhood yet, give your Mom a break. It's a tough job. There may be days you see her crying for no reason and think
she's having a nervous breakdown. She's probably not. There may be days that
she yells at everyone in the household for no reason and then
slams the door to her bedroom shut in your face. She just need a minute of privacy. Once you become a
Mother, you will understand. I'm in my fifties, and my daughter still thinks it's fine to yell at
me through the bathroom door to ask a question or even open it up if I cannot hear her. There will never be
privacy again. Get used to it.
So on this
Mother's Day, if you mom is alive, give her a big hug or a take the time for a long conversation over the telephone. You can bet she has been
waiting to hear from you. If she's not, then take the time to remember those wonderful times you had with
her. It may be a few years before you realize how much space she took up in your life and there
will be a big hole when she is gone. But know that she loved you with her whole heart and body while she was here, as I love my child. One of the most important things my Mother taught me was that to be a good mother you do not have to be a perfect mother.
Happy Mother's Day!
My Mom & Daughter
My Husband & My Mother-in-law
My Daughter & Me on her Graduation Day from ECU
It's hard to believe that my Mom will be gone for 15 years in October. To have a Mom with you for much of your life is so special. Those that are lucky enough to have that should cherish every minute. There were so many questions and problems that I did not get to ask my Mom. So many things I wanted to share with her or ask her opinion about, but she 
We are dealing with Alzheimer's with my mother-in-law. And while she may not remember we were there the next day, she enjoys the time we have together thoroughly. She can not do everything she once could, but she is still a human and deserves to be treated as one. She deserves the best care we can give her. We can just enjoy what time we have with her and keep our good memories in our heart. 
But it's not the gardening tips or the funny faces or the special way she made me feel over my successes or failures, that I miss the most from my Mom. I miss being able to have my Mom to call during those joyful times to celebrate, to see her during the Holidays, or just to call for encouragement during stressful times when I need "Mom" advice and comfort. The saying, "No one knows you like your Mother" is so true. 
